At the risk of doing a Lewis, I’ve been admonished on two occasions over the last few weeks. Both have involved things that I’ve said at the front of some sort of gathering that weren’t exactly wise things to say. On one occasion it was a wiser man who admonished me and on another it was a younger fellow and I’d guess younger Christian. I guess I’ve learnt something from it.
First of all, I looked up admonish because I wouldn’t say it’s in particularly common usage today and it sounds a bit like a Biblical word. Wiktionary gives three meanings:
1. To warn or notify of a fault; to reprove gently or kindly, but seriously; to exhort.
2. To counsel against wrong practices; to caution or advise; to warn against danger or an offense; — followed by of, against, or a subordinate clause.
3. To instruct or direct; to inform; to notify.
And it’s used in the Bible in Colossians 3:16:
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
So I think we can conclude that these two were right to correct me, since we’re supposed to do it to one another. That is of course if what they’re saying was right, which it was! And they gave their admonitions in a gentle way, with respect, careful to be loving in their manner but also appropriately firm.
There’s a lot that’s been written on giving an appropriate admonition, doing it in the right way and so on. here’s something I’ve seen here:
Is now a good time to speak?
Am I telling the whole truth?
Is my voice gentle, not harsh?
Am I motivated by kindness?
Am I motivated by a desire to be helpful?
But another significant thing is how you react when someone admonishes you. One reaction would be to snap at someone and argue back and tell them that they’re wrong and who are they to tell you that and maybe drop a cuss-word in as well. But, as surprising as it sounds, that wasn’t my reaction. See my reaction was to despise the person in my heart. I didn’t show it but as they were telling me their admonition, as much as I may have agreed with them, I didn’t want to hear it from them and my reaction was virtually the same as the person who snaps but all internalised.
I actually had to force myself afterwards to be humble and force myself to take on board what they were saying and force myself to love that person, not in spite of but because of their admonition. And I guess that’s the problem, it’s so against our natures to take a admonition, which can even make us reluctant to admonish one another. But it’s something we are today. It’s just one of the many ways that church is to be subversive compared to normal culture. And the more graciously we receive it, the more regularly we do it, the more natural it becomes and so admonition itself becomes appropriately commonplace.
So how do you take an admonition? Don’t be like me. Instead, be humble, be loving and be learning!
October 27, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Great post, Jonny! Very challenging.
I realise that my reaction is normally just like yours… to appear to take it well but to internalise everything. A certain self-control is to be commended I suppose, but in my case it’s usually just motivated by the fact that my reputation is far too important to me for me to go aound losing my temper… hardly a humble reaction!
Thanks again – very helpful.
October 27, 2008 at 4:17 pm
In the summer I wrote a letter to the church members in which I made an error of judgment (although I was blissfully unaware of it at the time). Within 2 days I knew I had a problem as I could hear the whispers of discontent – but no one said anything to me. This only got me angry as I hate gossip and slander. Then, on Sunday morning before the service a lady come up and shouted at me in front of 4 guests… her accusations were completely off the wall and devoid of any love, and in a large part fictitious.
Both these events affirmed my comments in the letter and I had a rather lovely feeling of righteous anger.
However, two days later an older gentleman in the church came to my office, sat down, asked how I was, said that he had my best at heart and that he too was ashamed of people talking behind my back, but that he felt there were grounds to their accusations. And so he patiently, lovingly and clearly explained to me the error of my letter. I can honestly say I felt nothing but love and respect for him as he admonished me.
I pray that I would be able to admonish like him.
October 27, 2008 at 6:28 pm
“rather lovely feeling of righteous anger”… why is it that we enjoy being angry (hopefully for a good cause)… or am i the only one, apart from JT?, who secretly enjoys being angry (when i think im in the right.).. I’m sure its a self righteous thing like you guys have been saying…
November 1, 2008 at 12:01 am
Admonishing a brother/sister is very difficult isn’t it. Jonny you are spot on to say that it is difficult to take and we must be ready to accept it humbly, thankfully and with repentance but I think it is also important to remember that those who come to admonish us, or we who may need to admonish others, must do so in the same humble, loving way. It is pride that makes us hate the person admonishing us. I hate being found out or shown up for what I am because I fear it makes me look a lesser person in my brother’s eyes. By nature I seek to appear as best as I can to others at all times so when I am corrected on something I burn up inside with shame and anger but as others have said I keep it well concealed. But the person admonishing should also not be delighted to spot this error that needs correcting. He/she should not even be confident in themselves whilst doing so. The speck and the plank illustration of the Lord is what we need to remember. The two people who corrected you may well have been nervous about it or if they knew you well they probably knew that you could take it from them. It’s great when you have such good loving relationships with people that you are ultimately thankful for their help.
I’m glad that you brought this up Jonny. So many people believe that we ‘mustn’t judge’ it’s almost a catchphrase in many churches. Members lovingly helping each other to correct errors is a sign of a healthy church.
November 2, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Absolutely Gruff. I only wanted to draw attention to the receiving side though, simply because that’s how it happened with me and also because so much has been written on being humble and careful in giving an admonition, but not much on receiving one. Or at least that’s how I’ve come across things. But I suppose we can’t talk about receiving admonitions in the right way without at least mentioning giving admonitions in the right way! Thanks.